Sylvia's Place, Allegan Michigan Domestic Abuse & Violence Safe Shelter

Cycle of Violence

In 2004, there were 420 police reports of domestic abuse in Allegan County

Allegan County Domestic Violence Shelter
P.O. Box 13
Allegan, MI 49010
269.673.8700

Learn to recognize the three cycles of violence, Tension Building, Violence, and Honeymoon

(This phase can last days, weeks, months and sometimes years)

Initial infatuation of the relationship fades.
The abuser starts exhibiting aggressive/abusive tendencies.
The victim attempts to stop these by pleasing, placating, or staying out of the way, thinking those actions can control the abusive behavior.
When this DOESN'T control or stop the abuse, the victim withdraws.
The abuser feels rejected and tries harder to control the victim's activities.
At this point, an individual who has experienced violence/abuse before, knows that an abusive incident will inevitably happen

(This phase can last anywhere from a few minutes to a few days.)

Some form of abusive incident occurs, this is often a physical assault, but can be psychological, verbal and/or emotional. This discharges the stress and tension for the abuser.
After the abusive incident, the abuser feels instant relieve. The victim often experiences shock, denial and/or disbelief that the assault occurred.
It is during this phase that the police are usually called. It is also during this phase that the majority of victims seek safe shelter.

(This phase follows immediately after Phase II and tends to be longer than Phase II but shorter than Phase 1.)

The abuser becomes tender and apologetic and often sends or buys flowers, presents, jewelry, or writes love letters/poems. The abuser promises to never do it again, and truly believes the abuse will not happen again.
During this phase, the abuser will take action to demonstrate a sincere desire to change. The abuser will go to counseling, quit drinking and/or go into drug/alcohol rehabilitation, go to church, get a job, etc. However, the prime motivation is to get the partner back, NOT to get help personally.
If the victim has left during Phase II, s/he will often return during this phase.
It is this phase that keeps the victim in the relationship. The victim is finally getting the love and attention that is wanted from the abuser. People have said that the abuser returns to the person "I fell in love with" during the this phase.

Lenore Walker, The Battered Woman; New York, Harper and Row, 1979