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Children Living in a Violent Home
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FACT
The F.B.I. estimates that a woman is
battered every 15 seconds in the US
Sylvia's Place
Allegan County Domestic Violence Shelter
P.O. Box 13
Allegan, MI 49010
269.673.8700
E-Mail Us
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Six
Lessons Children are likely to learn from living in a violent home:
- Violence is an appropriate
form of conflict resolution.
- Violence has a place within
the family interaction.
- If violence is reported to
others in the community, there are few, if any consequences.
- Sexism, as defined by an
inequality of power, decision making ability, and roles within the
family, is to be encouraged.
- Violence is an appropriate
means of stress management.
- Victims of violence are, at
best, supposed to tolerate this behavior and worst, to examine the
responsibility in bringing on the violence.
Signs
of Children from Abusive Homes
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Cognitive Difficulties:
- Impaired concentration
- Lower verbal abilities
- Lower motor skills
Behavioral Problems:
- Acting out
- Social withdrawal
- High anxiety level about
going to sleep
- High anxiety level about
dying
- Exhibition of violence
towards others, including pets
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Internalized Behavioral Problems:
- Hearing difficulties
- Articulation problems
- Headaches
- Ulcers
- Asthma
- Stomach aches
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Recognizing Behaviors and Helpful
Responses
Withdrawal/Passivity
Some
children under stress exclude themselves and become apathetic.
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Behaviors
- Aimless
- Difficulty interacting
- May just sit when being
picked on
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Helpful
Responses
- Be careful not to overlook
this child
- Find tasks this child can do
- Gradually introduced to play.
- Greet the child individually
as often as possible
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Aggression
A child
may imitate aggressive behavior so that s/he will not be the victim
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Behaviors
- Breaks toys
- Hits others
- Verbally abuses others
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Helpful
Responses
- Encourage the child to talk
about angry feelings
- Discuss ahead of time how to
resolve conflict
- Accept the angry feelings.
Use "I" statements
- Correct the behavior (e.g.,
"Food is for eating, not throwing.")
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Rage
Can be
caused by terrible fears of feelings of rejection
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Behaviors
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Helpful
Responses
- It's okay to gently but
firmly restrain the child
- Mom can tell the child,
"I love you and I'm not going to let you hurt yourself or
others."
- Try to find out what is going
on with the child after the child has regained composure and is calm
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Separation Anxiety
A child
fears that mom is going to leave
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Behaviors
- Clings to mom
- Cries when mom leaves room
- Cries when it's time to go to
school
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Helpful
Responses
- Reassure the child that mom
will return
- Mom and child plan an
activity for when mom returns
- Hug child
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Fear of Abandonment
Child
fears that the abuser is going to kill the mom and s/he is going to be left
with no one to take care of him/her. The child feels guilty and responsible
for the violent incident.
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Behaviors
- Similar to separation anxiety
- Tries to make it up to mom
- Depressed
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Helpful
Responses
- Explain the reason for
leaving
- Frequently assure the child
it was not his fault
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Role Reversal
The child
takes on the role of protective adult
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Behaviors
- The child takes on the
parent's responsibilities
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Helpful
Responses
- Thank child for being helpful
but encourage child to play and behave like a child, not an adult
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Regress
When
under stress a child behaves as they did in an earlier stage of life
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Behaviors
- Potty trained children may
begin to wet their pats
- A favorite blanket that was
given up many be wanted
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Helpful
Responses
- Do not punish the child for
this behavior.
- Do not draw attention to the
regressive behavior … this will pass as the stress eases
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[ Safety
Tips ] [ 5 Things to Say ]
[ Impact of Family Violence ] [ Myths
of Abuse ] [ Cycle of Violence ]
[ Why Women Stay ] [ Signs of
Abuse ]
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