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FACTIn Allegan County in 2004, there were 336
children in the home where domestic violence occurred Sylvia's PlaceAllegan County Domestic Violence Shelter |
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MYTH:
Battering is rare. FACT: Battering is extremely common. The
F.B.I. estimates that a woman is battered every 15 seconds. National studies
indicate that at least 1 in 10 American women each year are abused by the men
in their lives. In fact, half of all marriages involve at least one episode
of violence between spouses. At least 1.8 million of these women are severely
beaten every year. The National Center of Diseases and Control has reported
that attacks by husbands on wives result in more injuries requiring medical
treatment than rapes, muggings, and auto accidents combined. Other studies
show that 40% of all murdered women are killed by their husbands or lovers.
These statistics are shocking. However, the actual extent of the problem may
be even worse since only an estimated 1 in 10 episodes is even reported to the
police. Domestic violence is this country's most under reported crime. MYTH: Domestic abuse is a "lower
class" phenomena. FACT: Even though many people would like
to believe this, the truth is that men who abuse their partners are from
every race, religion, and socio-economic background. Women have reported
attacks by their partners who are doctors, clergymen, lawyers, police
officers, judges, therapists, administrators, teachers, etc. MYTH: Women provoke beatings/abusive
incidents and actually enjoy them. FACT: Women report being verbally and/or
physically abused for such things as: "the baby was crying,"
"the dishes were not done," "I didn't serve what he wanted for
dinner," "I didn't want to have sex with him," the list is
endless. Women have been dragged out of bed asleep and beaten, threatened or
verbally abused. The idea that a woman could enjoy being punched, kicked,
choked, called names or threatened is preposterous. MYTH: Some women deserve beatings
"to keep them in line." FACT: Historically, laws have stated
that men had not only the right, but also the obligation, to keep their
"children, cattle, and wives from transgressing." Laws to this
effect were made by both church and state. Laws have changed but attitudes
prevail. Women are not property of men, and no one has the right to control
another person's behavior through verbal, psychological, or physical assault. MYTH: The problem is not really women
abuse, it is spouse abuse. Women are as violent as men. FACT: In over 95% of domestic assaults,
the man is the perpetrator. This fact makes many of us uncomfortable, but it
is no less true because of this discomfort. To end domestic violence, we must
scrutinize why it is usually men who are violent in partnerships. We must
examine the historic and legal permission that men have been given to be
violent in general, and to be violent towards their wives and children
especially. There are rare cases where a woman batters a man. Domestic abuse
does occur in lesbian and gay relationships. Survivors of abuse in such
relationships should hear that even though their situation is rare, it does
not make it less serious. |
MYTH:
Alcohol and/or drugs cause the abuse. FACT: The characterization of the
drunken husband as an abuser has some merit. Studies indicated that domestic
violence is directly linked to alcohol in 40-80% of the cases. However,
alcohol is NOT the cause of the abuse (witnessed by the fact that many people
drink/take drugs without ever becoming abusive or violent). The factor that
triggers the abuse is a low self image combined with deeply buried feelings.
Alcohol and drugs were used to justify the abuse – "I don't remember, I
was drunk" or "I was so stoned that I didn't know what I was
doing." Thus the problem is uncontrolled anger and feelings, NOT alcohol
or drugs. Stopping the assailant's drinking will not end his violence. Both
problems must be addressed independently. MYTH: Domestic violence is usually a one
time event – an isolated incident FACT: Domestic abuse is the systematic
use of a variety of tactics used to maintain power and control in a
relationship. Once violence begins in a relationship, it gets worse and more
frequent over a period of time. Battering is not just one physical attack. It
is a number of tactics (intimidation, threats, economic depravation,
psychological and sexual abuse) used repeatedly. Physical violence is one of
those tactics. Experts have compared methods used by abusers to those used by
terrorists to brainwash hostages. MYTH: Battering is couples fighting on Saturday
night and disrupting the neighborhood. FACT: In domestic assaults, one partner
is beating, intimidating, and terrorizing the other. It's not "mutual
combat" or two people in a fist fight. It's one person dominating and
controlling the other. MYTH: The community places
responsibility where it belongs – on the criminal. FACT: Most people blame the victim of
abuse for the crime, some without realizing it. They expect the
victim/survivor to stop the violence, and repeatedly analyze her/his
motivations for not leaving, rather than scrutinizing why the abusive partner
keeps beating their partner, and why the community allows its. MYTH: Stress causes domestic violence. FACT: Many people who are under stress
do not assault their partners. Assailants who are stressed at work do not
attack their co-workers or bosses. MYTH: People who batter do so because
they cannot control themselves or have "poor impulse control." FACT: People who are abusive are usually
not violent towards anyone but their wives/partners or their children. They
can control themselves sufficiently to pick a safe target. Abusers often beat
their partners in parts of their bodies where bruises will not show.
Statistics show that 60% of battered women were beaten while they were
pregnant, often in the stomach. Many assaults last for hours. Many are
planned. |
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Sylvia's Place, Allegan Michigan Domestic Abuse & Violence Safe Shelter 2001©